i guess i could be pretty pissed off about what happened to me... but it's hard to stay mad, when there's so much beauty in the world...sometimes i feel like i'm seeing it all at once, and it's too much, my heart fills up like a balloon that's about to burst... and then i remember to relax, and stop trying to hold on to it, and then it flows through me like rain and i can't feel anything but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid little life... you have no idea what i'm talking about, i'm sure. but don't worry... you will someday.

Monday, April 19, 2010

Of course I’m holding back. I’m insane, you idiot. Remember the other day when you told me I had pit stains? Well, I have cried every fifteen minutes on the half hour since you told me that. I am racked with self doubt, I have painc attacks, I’m claustraphobic, germaphobic, phobiaphobic, I talk to myself, I talk to my cats, I talk to three separate shrinks about the fact that often my cats respond to me in my mother’s voice. And, yesterday, when that stupid, pretty surgical nurse handed you a pair of latex gloves, I almost killed the guy who’s leg I was stitching up because I couldn’t stop thinking about the two of you having sex on a box of steaks. Why a box of steaks? Because my dad had an affair with a female butcher and, as I mentioned before, I am insane. There, I opened up. Are you happy?

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